It’s been 9 days since I returned from England, where I spent the last 3 weeks loving and being loved on by my mother, brother, and boyfriend. The day before I got on the plane to return to Toronto, I remember feeling a tightness in my chest… that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach- a certain kind of dread. You would think I was coming back to some kind of prison. Looooool.
And so, thirty minutes ago, I’m at the bus stop, waiting for my bus connection and watching Netflix on my phone. All of a sudden, this huge wave of something deeply emotional hits me… feelings that I cannot put words to, but the tears welling up in my eyes are able to interpret. I spend the next three minutes bawling my eyes out at the bus stop and in that very moment, I feel completely disconnected from everything I love, and that loves me.
Soon, the endorphins kick in, and I feel better- a little less sad, and I am able to get on the phone with a new friend who has also recently moved to Toronto to gist, and catch up.
This overseas life is an adventure. Every day brings with it new, confounding, and confusing experiences. So, when the loneliness comes calling- say hello, acknowledge it, and it will go away. Hopefully, the next time it shows up, we will be wiser for it.
xoxo
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2 comments
It’s been a long while I commented on here and it was previously due to the fact that some changes you made to the site made it difficult to comment. I’m glad I can do this again.
To the post, it’s really a lonely world out there, without family and friends. I think these bouts will continue possibly until you and your man decide to take the leap. Even then, it only becomes easier as you accept the fact that you’re now building your own family and also new connections. The truth is, your being so close to the people around you makes it harder to stay away.
Needless to say, your ability to develop new friendships and maintain them will help as you continue settling into your new life. You just need to gradually continue to embrace it. The reminiscence won’t totally go away, and there will still be days like this when you really miss everyone you know that’s not around you but I can assure you that it will get better.
Stay strong, dear! We keep rooting for you.
Thank you so so much for the kind and compassionate words. Thank you! Yes, I know I’m growing, and changing and that isn’t always easy. I also decided to start going to church this year, primarily because the music reminds me of my growing up years. This journey is step by step. You put one leg in front of you, and then the other, and keep going. I’m also sending positive vibes your ways as well.
Also, I’m so glad you are back to commenting on the blog 🙂